Sometimes, the lecture replies to our leader's message at 10 pm and he would inform that confirmation at 11 pm. I never sleep at more than 12 pm inactive day till one day, I got inform at 11.45 pm that we will start study at 8 am on the next day. I slept early and woke up at 7.50 am. So, I became the crazy girl who runs to the faculty without took a shower at all. Even to brush my teeth, I didn’t have enough time. I had been late and can’t enter class many times because of that.
I confess that I have bad time management. To sleep, eat, study, take a bath, I still confuse to decided which activity should I start. But in fact, I had a bad schedule too. I got stress. I should wake up early to stand by if I have to submit an online class suddenly. Sleep late just to check if there is no more shocking info would notice.
I am beaten.
I was afraid to lose a piece of several news, even just for a minute I couldn’t take my eyes away from my phone. I was afraid to saw the group chat room with more than 50 messages on there. I was scared to hear a notification sound. I had a crazy wait for the batteries on charged. I didn’t want to lose any class. Missing 3 absent that’s mean you couldn’t go to the final exam. And that’s the real ending of student life.
I couldn’t quit and ignored the chat room even just for a little thing. I had afraid of being lost a slot in the research club selection. I want to do my own research. When there is no room for me to join that research, that’s means I have to do something I won’t.
I used my phone in that high intensity. So crazy, till I got an injury on my left eye. But after took some generic medicine, my eye became normal again. I felt dizzy and nauseous after reading one paragraph in an e-book. And I still dizzy to reading another one before I stopped. After a couple weeks, I got pain in my stomach. it seems like diarrhea but it’s not.
When I couldn’t see my phone anymore, I heard google assistant talk at midnight. That’s creepy. I told my parents but they didn’t hear any sound. That’s the room was quiet. But I was the only one who heard that voice. Google said she nervous about my question. The next day, she said she was in error.
I have to stop study in 4 days because I gave up looking at anything by phone, laptop, tablet, or anything. I couldn’t print that textbook because it’s too much. I knew I couldn’t hold 2 credits in clinic subject at that moment. And I didn’t it. I couldn’t get my best score on the exam and I sacrificed my grade score for that last subject.
I didn’t go to psychiatry because of my fear of that medical track. I didn’t want people to know how deep am I hang on that phone and became sick. I still have to do anything with my phone. I must do an internship this month, write a few essays, and so on. I can’t sleep. I need my phone to listen to music while I was sleep. By using that technology, how can I tolerant with that?
Now, I am in a crisis of dopamine. I got stress easiest, feel lonely and sad. Since I can’t look at my phone, I need someone help to check my phone every minute. I lost a lot of motivation to read anything and I hate to study. I just silent and I am waiting for all of this moment to pass over than me.
Be aware of your phone. Manage them before they manage your life.